A drunk driver [dd] deciding between drinking the last drink from his bottle [alcohol → milk analogy: dd’s adult sustenance] and saving it for after he arrives home decides against drinking it upon reminding himself that he already feels more than pleasantly drunk at the moment and that his night would be made overall more enjoyable by allowing some amount of intoxication — however marginal — to wear off and then later re-increasing his level of intoxication, i.e., amount of pleasure, after he has arrived home; and dd is trying not to feel so pleased by his small showing of self-control [addict’s voice] when dd passes at that moment a blind corner behind which a parked police car is monitoring the road and dd realizes what horrible consequences he would have faced had he simply given in to that tiniest indulgence – dd caught in flagrante delicto with the bottle to his lips, center-stage in headlights’ glare [exagg./elong. this potential moment; photo-finish or single-movie-frame refr.], arrested immediately by aforementioned police – and then ponders how, had the police car not been there, dd would have most likely given in to the self-control-spurred congratulatory feeling against which he was fighting when he passed the car and perhaps dd would have even have rewarded himself thereafter for this tiniest display of virtue by taking the last drink, and that this sequence of events, combined with the new increase — however marginal — in dd’s level of intoxication, would lead dd to believe that he was just a little more invincible than he had been before, not that he was, and dd would know that, and even remember that fact the next time another opportunity for participating in this tiniest indulgence arose, but dd would also remember this potential moment of celebration [“…of this win for the little red man on his left shoulder…”] and most likely think to himself, ‘Fuck it,’ and perhaps even say it aloud, and he would take the last drink from the bottle, and perhaps the cop car would have been parked around that blind corner and perhaps dd would have been caught then [dd muses on alternate universes in simplistic manner, dd is alcoholic of slightly below average intelligence], or perhaps the cop car wouldn’t have been there that time either, and dd would earn the right to put another notch in the belt consisting of times he gave in to this tiniest indulgence without consequence, which would thus increase — however marginally — the amount of invincibility he believed he possessed, so that dd would then become likelier and likelier to give into that tiniest indulgence whenever opportunities to give into it arose, as dd was sure would be occurring in higher frequencies if dd was, as he suspected, slowly – or rapidly, it was difficult for dd to determine – becoming more and more the type of person who would encounter more and more opportunities for giving into these tiniest indulgences [toy with ‘giving in’ concept: surrender,  submission, sacrifice, etc.] until finally the day that the police car did rest behind whatever potential corner lay in the future, or worse [exagg. descr. of dd shuddering at “…or worse…”]; but dd also realized that, unless he was drunk enough to later forget this series of reflection → internal decision → reflection → external event → reflection happenstances [“…which he never could tell if he was – drunk enough to forget – until the morning, or more often, afternoon, after the binge…”], dd would now recall that aforementioned series each and every time he drove drunk and desired to take just one more drink while on the road, and perhaps the series of happenstances had just saved him from some future potential catastrophe [2nd exagg. descr. of dd’s distaste for mentally articulating, even to himself, the worse alternative to a DUI], and really dd was drunk enough at this point to seriously consider turning the car around and actually thanking the vigilant hand-of-the-law in the police car for potentially saving his skin, because there would be no way that memory wouldn’t stick [exagg. descr. of dd’s imagining of his hugging stunned policeman in gratitude] even if dd was drunk enough to forget everything else, which he was starting to believe he was, as he just barely caught in his headlights the glint of the reflective white letters spelling out the name of the street that would lead him to his own, i.e., the neighborhood entrance nearest his home,  and so dd had to swerve right quickly to avoid missing the turn and having to drive all the way up the main road – which median ran along its entirety so that even the fastest route back to the shortcut he had just narrowly avoided missing would be to drive all the way up aforementioned main road, make a U-turn, drive all the way back down to the neighborhood entrance, and turn left onto it, which, though frustratingly time-consuming, was a faster route to his home than any other, or so dd thought, realizing that he had never really taken the time to accurately gauge the veracity of this belief, only casually intuited it – and tried not to feel so pleased at this display of precise instinct – for dd knew the reason he had caught the turn in time was most likely because his subconscious knew what his preoccupied mental foreground had no interest in remembering – which was just about how long physically and temporally the drive was from his bar to his shortcut [emphs. on possessiveness of 'his'] –  and had alerted his mental foreground [dd imagines ‘mental foreground’ as disembodied forehead w/eyes] just in time to look up and catch the glint of the letters, which observation led his body/mind to detach from his long-running stream of consciousness and focus intently and solely upon the act of hitting the brakes ever so slightly and turning the wheel in the clockwise direction rapidly sot that car would make it onto the street [“…a marvel of a thing for the human body and mind to be able to do, as far as he was concerned…”]; and so because all parts of dd’s self, i.e., mind, body, and soul, were distracted with this specific mental act of marveling at the ability of man to perform such complex tasks under such hostile conditions – as so often is the case with epiphanies of such magnitude, whether they are had under the influence or not – dd had failed to allow his foreground, his background, really, any mental ground at all, to notice the little neon-green figurine on the side of the road indicating that young humans were recreationally active [toy w/’stages of evolution’ concept: maturity, ability, perspective, etc.] in the immediate vicinity at this objectively early – but to dd, quite late – hour; and so, after the thump and the oddly-shaped, unfamiliar speed bump that caused his tires to tilt at just enough of an awkward angle so that dd thought it wise, or else dd’s subconscious/mental background/instincts thought it wise, to brake immediately, the only reason dd knew what he had done was because there, in the glare of his own headlights [draw attention to mirroring of previous exagg.’d and elong.’d moment], lay a single pristine Barbie doll [“...her tiny plastic limbs grotesquely askew, her blonde hair lightly reddened by the approaching dawn.”].
top