Adapted from "Be Our Guest," of Disney's Beauty and the Beast (1991)

I'm imagining a huge musical number during a tour of the mansion, filled with a harem of strung-out hustlers.

Once, Beast engaged all of them constantly, but as he became disillusioned with the hedonism he thought would bring him happiness, Beast came to ignore and resent them, choosing to lock them all in the mansion while supplying drugs but withholding sex.

Lumière, the oldest of the captives, is ecstatic to have someone new to show the ropes (and to fuck), and Gael becomes both wholly entranced and disturbed; by the end of the song, he is on so much at once that he quickly succumbs to their lifestyle. Beast thinks Gael may be the man to break his spell of loneliness, and readies himself to take Gael as his Queen.

Lumière: Mon grand monsieur, it is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight. And now we invite you to relax, as the mansion proudly presents -- your sinners!

Lumière:
Be our guest,
Be our guest,
Put our service to the test!
Tie the latex 'round your arm, chérie
And we provide the rest!
Cock du jour,
Hot hors d'oeuvres,
Why, we only live to serve!
Try the blue pills, they're delicious;
Just forget they look suspicious.
You will sing,
You will dance,
And you'll wet your underpants;
Yes, a fucking here is never second best!
Go on, pull out your man-tool,
Take a glance and then you'll
Be our guest,
Oui, our guest,
Be our guest!

Coke and crack,
A bit o' smack,
A good hit is all you lack!
We'll prepare and serve with flair
A nymphomanic sex attack!
You're alone
And you're scared,
But the banquet's all prepared;
No one's gloomy or complaining
That our life forces are draining!
We tell jokes,
I turn tricks,
With my fellow uncut dicks:

Twinks:
And we all have perfect taste,
That you can bet!

Bears:
Come on and spread your ass!
You've won your own free pass
To be our guest:

Lumière:
If you're stressed,
It's an orgy we suggest!

All:
Be our guest,
Be our guest,
Be our guest!

Lumière:
Life is so unnerving
For a servant who's not serving;
He's not whole without a hole to wait upon.
Ah, those good old days when we were useful.
Suddenly, those good old days are gone.
Ten years we've been waiting
For new johns that need fellating;
We need exercise, a chance to show off our skills.
Most days we just finger our own assholes,
Drunk and drugged and lazy;
You walked in, and oops-a-daisy!

Beast:
It's a guest,
It's a guest,
Goddamn, even I'm impressed!
Whiskey's poured and thank the Lord
Everyone is well undressed;
For dessert,
He'll want me;
Oh, thank God for PCP!
While the whores do all their screwing,
I'll be bubbling, I'll be spewing!
I'm turned on,
I'm hard as shit,
Heaven's sakes! Is that a zit?
Clean it up! I want to be his first request!

Lumière:
Don't let your balls turn blue!
Who would you like to do?

All:
He's our guest,
He's our guest,
He's our guest!

Lumière:
Be our guest,
Be our guest,
Our command is your request.
It's ten years since we had any fresh meat here,
And we're obsessed!
With your feel,
With your ease,
Yes, indeed, we aim to please;
Through your veins, the lust is flowing,
We'll make you come
And then keep going!

Course by course,
One by one,
'Til you shout, "Enough! I'm done!"
Then we'll sing you off to sleep as you digest.
Tonight you'll prop your feet up,
Grab a guy (or four), let's eat up!

All:
Be our guest,
Be our guest,
Be our guest,
Please, be our guest!
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